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10 September 2008 @ 12:35 pm
I look you in the eye when I reply
"No, I'd never do that"
And you write something in your chart that says
You may not believe me, I don't know
So I clear my throat and add
"I have a great life, great family
And everything is wonderful
This just ... happened
It was a mistake ... I forgot how much I took"
And you look at me over wire rimmed glasses
And I fight the urge to comment that
You could almost be a sixty year old Harry Potter
But the scar on your forehead is as invisible
As the truth that I keep hiding in myself ...
You look at me with green gray eyes and
I force myself to smile prettily even though
The institutional shampoo has left me
Feeling anything but
I hold your gaze, unblinking
See me. See me. See me.
Realize ... please realize
But I have fooled you ... just like that you say
"Are you ready to go home"
And every fiber of my being screams no, I'm not
But I enthusiastically nod my head and say
"This has all just been a big mistake
I don't belong in a place like this
And I'm fine ... really, I'm fine"
And you write something else in your chart and I
Think maybe I should have pursued acting because
You don't see that I'm falling, falling, falling
And I make you believe me enough to let me go
But the truth is
The fact is
The shocking twist is
I meant it
I wanted it
I craved it
And I failed
I shouldn't be here
I don't want to be
But the smile on my face remains in place as I pack my bag
And wait, wait, wait
For someone to come and get me
They'll never know that I was waving goodbye
Instead of hello
09 August 2008 @ 04:59 pm
Dangling my hopes from barren threads
It's hard to breathe when all your dreams are dead
Wandering the corners of my mind
Waiting until I finally run out of time
Deeper and Deeper into darkness I sink
I've already jumped off the narrow brink
Fumbling, falling, nothing stops this pain
Can't get up because nothing is going to change
Walls close in if you give them enough time
Suffocate the life you leave behind
Want to sleep and never dream again
Would taking my life really be a sin
Deeper and Deeper, I dig my own lost grave
This pain is real and I am just its slave
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
24 March 2008 @ 10:22 pm
I won't look back at where you're cloaked
In the lies that only you can see
I'm looking straight into the future
Where you can't follow me
You tried to drag me down
But I'll never stoop that low
Because I'm going places
That you'll never get to go

Bitter, bitter poison
Rolls like saliva from your tongue
You tried to beat me back with words
But it never even stung
Your face is now a mirror
That reflects the horror of humanity
And your laugh is like a bell
That chimes like insanity

I won't look back at where you're cloaked
Hiding in your shell
I'm looking into heaven
While you're rotting there in hell
I know things about you
That I'll never have to say
Those who don't know you all that well
Will see your true colors one day

Bitter, bitter jealousy
Rolls like sweat from your brow
You tried to hold me down with hatred
But who's being hated now
I'm not wasting my time
On one more delicate word
You don't need me to tell you
If you let your conscience be heard

Dedicated to every woman who has ever been victimized, terrorized, dehumanized, or villainized.
That you're still alive.
Have pride.
Be wise.
24 March 2008 @ 10:14 pm
I won't look back this time
You've become a ghost to me
I won't be haunted by the good times
Because the bad times set me free
I won't worry about you
Or the self destructine gene
That you seem to have too much of
Or maybe you're just mean

Never loved yourself
The way that I loved you so
Never saw the same things
And I thought that you should know
That when the full moon rises
I think about your eyes
Black and midnight shadows
You flew higher than the sky

I loved to hear your laughter
And I loved to dry your tears
The peaceful way you'd slumber
Helped to ease all of my fears
But I won't look back this time
My heart won't disagree
I can't waste my time hating you
You've become a ghost to me
22 February 2008 @ 06:13 pm
Driving past your house at four a.m.
If anybody's wrecked from this I am
The light is on, but nobody's home
Nobody's home, now that I'm gone
Circling your street just to see
What the girl looks like who isn't me
And I don't know what I'll do
When I finally see the truth
You're really moving on
Now that I'm gone

Now that I'm gone
Do you see me everywhere
Now that I'm gone
Do you hear the ghost of me out there
I'm haunted by the memory
Taunted by the tragedy
Now that I'm gone
Do you ever think of me

Driving past your house at five a.m.
If anybody's crushed from this I am
The light is on and I don't belong
I gotta make it on my own
Circling your street just to breathe
This ride hurts more than I believe
And I don't know what I'll do
To make my heart get over you
I'm not that strong
Now that you're gone

Now that you're gone
Will I ever be the same
Now that you're gone
When I sleep I call your name
I'm haunted by the memory
Taunted by the tragedy
Now that love's gone
All I'm left with is the dream

(c) lnlypoet productions
11 February 2008 @ 10:26 pm
Once there was a time
That the sagging branches of the willow tree
Provided a fortress of imagination
For my friends and me
Though the wind could rustle the walls
We felt safe sheltered there
Back when we believed that
Laughter could take us anywhere

I played Ring Around The Rosie
Until we all fell down
And I laughed until my sides hurt
While I laid there on the ground
And sometimes in my makeshift tent
I would stare up at the sky
And wonder to the man in the moon
What I would do before I died

I wanted to paint a cathedral
I wanted to dance on the air
I wanted to leap off a building
And fly like a safety net was there

I wanted to sing for the masses
I wanted to write a book
I wanted to solve a mystery
And love the way I looked

I wanted to be rich and famous
I wanted to swim in the sea
I wanted to star in a movie
And be anything other than me

Twenty years later that willow tree
Still stands there in the yard
I crawl under her branches
And the reality is hard
I'll never paint a cathedral
I'll never dance on the air
And if the man in the moon heard my dreams
He didn't listen or didn't care
11 February 2008 @ 10:23 pm
Lost Soul stumbles over her own feet
And sits on the curb to cry
She could have been an angel by now
But the medics brought her back to life
Lost Soul lives in the alley
Out behind the Five and Dime
She turns tricks for her money
And never keeps track of time
Her veins are hard and broken
And the needles that left their mark
Can numb her body to the pain
But they never quiet her heart
Lost Soul wanted to be in the movies
And everyone said she was a star
So she loaded up her belongings one night
And drove to L.A. in her daddy's car
She was starving by the fourth day
And on her back by the eighth
Doing what she had to do
To get her lucky break
She'd tell you it was worth it
If you asked her while she was high
But if you catch her while she's sober
She'll break down and cry
And that is when you see it
The lost soul that lives inside
Still dreaming the dreams of a believer
Still clinging to her pride
11 February 2008 @ 10:19 pm
I look into the mirror
And hate the face I see
Nothing there is pretty enough
I hate that this is me

I look into the mirror
And see this double chin
I can't accept my shortcomings
I would die just to be thin

I look into the mirror
And I see this extra weight
You'd think I could just stop eating
Before it gets too late

I look into the mirror
And I see there in my eyes
A longing to be someone else
With toned and shapely thighs

I look into the mirror
And I see thin pieces of me
Jumbled together in one big blob
And I'll never really be free
11 February 2008 @ 10:18 pm
Little Golden Boy
Loved a little tawny girl
They grew up on different sides of town
In what felt like different worlds
But the Little Golden Boy
Never saw the color lines
Black or white or red or brown
People come in all kinds
Little Golden Boy
Would pick her up at eight
Hiding down the street
And she never made him wait
Her parents wouldn't like it
And his didn't understand
Little Golden Boys
Grow to father Golden Men
They'd drive three towns over
Where no one knew their names
They'd hold hands in the theater
Because in the dark they were the same
Little tawny girl
Had a curfew she never missed
Even when she lingered
Over that last goodnight kiss
But one night she never made it home
And her mother stood outside
Screaming that the officers
Had to be telling a lie
They were driving three towns over
When someone took offense
To the different colored hands
That were clasped at their expense
Golden Boys and tawny girls
Just did not have a place
Falling in love with each other
To a racist it's a disgrace
Little Golden Boy
Was said to have put up a fight
He raged against the attackers
And he was the first to die
And the little tawny girl
Felt his blood splash her curly hair
She wanted to scream and fight back
But her body wouldn't dare
She died on the ground beside him
In a war that could not be won
In life they were segregated
But in death they became one
11 February 2008 @ 10:17 pm
This is the part where I stand up
And wipe the dirt from my jeans
I hold my head a little higher
Because I am the Queen
I control my destiny
I have to take the wheel
I'm sitting in the driver's seat
And the road I'm on will heal
The broken heart you gave me
The love you never returned
The kisses that I fell into
My skin that aches and burns
The journey that I'm taking
Will erase the memories
of all the things you never
Tried to do for me
I won't drive too fast
It's not like you will follow
But that's okay with me
It's just a bitter pill to swallow